The Cost of "Freedom"

I remember when Hilarie, our older daughter, decided to move back home to "get a grip" on some of her finances etc., before eventually striking out on her own to try again. (I know that I had multiple "moves back home" when I was younger, before finally making it on my own.) We told Hilarie that she would always be welcomed at home, but since she was moving back "under our roof", she would again be subject to (most of) the same rules she had while growing up: We would not enforce a "curfew" for her, as she was now 23; we would, however, appreciate that she not play her music/tv too loud during the later hours when we were trying to sleep, we would like her to let us know if she was not going to be home until very late (if at all), and that she let us know that she was home when she arrived in the wee hours (just an "I'm home, Goodnight") so that we wouldn't worry unnecessarily. Etc., etc. However, in exchange for her "freedoms", we did expect that she carry her own weight financially, i.e.: pay us a reasonable rent every month. Not so large as to place a burden on her, but somewhere between $200 and $300 a month. This would still be cheaper than her previous rent, and we would absorb the utilities. Also, she would be responsible for her own entertainment (movies, video/computer games, fast food, etc.). This did not mean that she had to be entirely self-sufficient, she was still welcome to eat with us, etc. One thing that she was not told when she was moving back home was, that I planned to put half of her monthly "rent" in an account to remain untouched until such time as she was ready to "try it again on her own", at which time the funds would be available for deposits, "first and last", etc., depending upon how long she had been back home. Sadly, she passed away (at "home") before any of these could be implemented.

Now, our other daughter is wanting to move out and share a place with some close friends, a married couple and their two young children. This will be her first attempt at "leaving the nest". Her mother and I have concerns, just like we did with her sister (and I am sure that my mother had similar concerns for me) but are willing to let her try. As most of us know from experience, this is a "wake-up call" and a definite learning experience. Money that used to go for fast food and snacks and video games now goes for structured grocery shopping and menu planning. Money that used to go for clothes and cute shoes needs to go for rent, utilities, and transportation costs (either bus passes or gas money). Words like "lease", "contract", and "past due" take on a whole new meaning. In exchange for sacrifices, freedoms are attained. If, after a while, she needs to come back home to regroup, she will of course be welcomed home with open arms. And we will expect the same from her as we did for her older sister. Freedoms and Liberties will be available, but they will come with a price.

In this Country, we brag of our "Freedom" and "Liberty". Have we ever considered the cost of these? Our freedom to buy or rent a home is countered by the right of the bank or landlord to exact a payment from us. Our right to live on nothing but Whoppers and Big Macs is countered by not only prohibitive cost, but probable health risks as well. Our right to complain about government is guaranteed by that same government, but if one does not get involved (vote, pay taxes, etc.) in the administering of that government, then that person has no freedom to complain. The list of our Freedoms is almost endless. We enjoy more liberties and freedoms than any other nation on Earth. But at a cost. My father recognized this. He understood just how fortunate, and how obligated, we are. He was willing to support the continuation of these freedoms, even at the cost of his life, if necessary. He was willing, when asked, to go into harm's way to preserve these rights for the rest of us. And he wasn't the only one. Many, many men (and women) have gone to battle at the request of their Country. Most of them have come home to enjoy ongoing freedom with their families. Some have not. I would like to think that most, if not all, of them understood and accepted the possible sacrifice involved with preserving our rights.

So, to my daughter: Go forth and stretch your wings. Fall to the ground. Get up and dust yourself off and try again. Pay your bills. Don't pay your bills. Splurge on yourself. Be hungry. Be humbled. Find your strengths. Address your weaknesses. Enjoy your freedom, but be prepared for the cost. Come "home" if you need to. And when you finally succeed, you will see and know that it was worth all the trouble and hard times, and you will be stronger for it. We love you, Dad and Mom.